Wammy Days
by Evil-Juicebox-Master
Summary: Secrets are meant to be kept and boundaries are meant to be made. When they're not, bad things happen, things never meant to happen. Rated M. Paring is Mello and Matt.
1. Trust?

**Ok, so this is my second fanfic but my first non one-shot. There's no need to put in the effort if no ones going to read it. So I won't continue with it unless you would like me to. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note things would be different, very different**

**Edit: just fixed up some spelling, some confusions, and grammar.**

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"Mel! Mello! Open the fucking door!

Matt's yells came as he was beating against the door.

"Mel! Just open the door…….please!

**2 HOURS LATER**

I heard Matt's pleads, demand, ect. subside for more than 20 minutes. I set the book I had been studying down on the icy-cold floor. I get up from my position of sitting with my back against the door. I unlock the door and open it to see that Matt had fallen asleep right in front of it.

Nobody had been there to see him asleep on the ground. Nor had anyone tried to help him get me out of this room.

The reason?

I had locked myself in an empty closet in a deserted corridor at the Wammy's orphanage.

And again, the reason?

Matt. It had all been Matt's fault. He had to become 'best friends' with my most hated rival, Near. He had always sort of been buddies with Near, but he had to tell me, today of all days, that Near was his "sort of closer friend." No! I am Matt's best friend and I refuse to come in second again to that bastard!

I close and lock the door and sit back into my previous position. I pick up a new textbook from a pile in the closet and begin to study again. I refuse to come in second to that albino freak!

After only minutes of studying my mind drifts off. Then I begin trembling, trying to keep tears from flowing from my eyes. I shouldn't cry. I'm strong, proud, and **not** a baby. I can't cry.

And, no one should cry on a day like this, because today is December 13. Not like anyone would remember what today is anyway. Because……they've forgotten that today……is my birthday. Not even my best friend, whom is always there for me, whom trusts me remembered.

But, I still have no reason to cry at all. It should be Matt. He still has night terrors about the brutal, awful murders of his parents that he was forced to witness 5 years ago. And his own live almost taken as well. Me? I don't remember my parents one bit and I lost them 5 years ago as well.

Matt should be the one to cry. He feels it is his fault they died; almost as if he killed them himself. I'm a terrible person. Blaming this all on Matt can't make him any better off. I'm terrible. Being a bitch to a kid who is always nice to me, who tells me everything from girls at the orphanage he's liked to the reason he's an orphan, who hacks into Wammy's surveillance system whenever we are scheming something, who gets me my chocolate when I tell him to even though it's within reach, who is just always there.

Why does he always try to cheer me up even though he feels even crappier? Never asking for help always helping others. Why is he such a good friend? Why? And why is it he can completely trust me and tell me every secret about him and I never seem to tell him anything, I never seem to trust him quite enough to tell him anything? Why? It's not that I won't trust him it's just that I can't. I simply can't.

I bring my legs up to my chest and hug them. I then set my head on my knees and let soft tears roll down my face. Silent tears turn to quite, muffled sobs. I can't remember the last time I actually cried and it's given me a headache.

As the tears begin to flow to a stop, I hear a voice at the door.

"Please open the door, Mello." Matt's voice said almost unintelligibly.

"…." I don't respond.

"Please I'm begging now. Mel, I just want to talk to you face-to-face."

I hear a noise against the door as if he's sitting with his back against the door as well.

Minutes later, I unlock and open the door. As I look out the door, I see Matt standing up and facing me.

"Mel, I w— Were you crying? Mel, wh—"

He was cut off by me punching him square in the face. Matt's back hit against the opposite wall of the small hallway.

"Mel, what the fuck?"

I rush up, grab him by the collar of his stripped shirt and slam him into the wall again. I was ready to say, 'Don't fuck with me, ok Matt,' but, instead I let go of him and mumble, "I'm sorry."

"Mel….why were you…crying?" God, he must be so confused because never do i show this kind of emotion.

"It just hurts."

"What?"

"The fact that you trust me so much, that you tell me everything and I can't!"

"Can't what, Mel! Just tell me, I'm your best friend."

"That's the problem! I can't seem to say anything, that I can't seem to trust you enough to tell you anything, despite me being your best friend!"

"…..Mello."

"Sometimes I just want to die!"

Matt grabbed me by my loose long sleeved black shirt and said as firm and controlled as he could, "Mello! Don't say that! You don't want to die!" But, I could tell he was broken inside.

"But I do, Matt!"

After I had said that, Matt slammed my body into the wall next to the slightly ajar door. It also seemed like our argument attracted a few spectators, but it didn't matter.

If Matt had been any other person (even L) I would have spat right on his face. But, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"Why would you ever, ever think of ending you life, Mel?" Matt asked with the most worried face I'd ever seen from him.

Since Matt trusts me so much, then I have to trust him this one time. So, I slowly grab my long sleeves and begin to bring them up, careful not to show any onlookers my arms. I bring my sleeves up to my elbows to reveal my scars; some old (about four months old) and some new (about four days old).

Matt's grip loosens and his eyes darken. "Mel, I-I never...would have guessed…...Mello."

I push him away form me and he falls in a sitting position on the floor. He crosses his legs and puts his face in his hands; thinking. About a second later he looks up at me, a small sparkle in his eyes. "Mel, I'll going to help." he said calmly pointing at my arms.

As I was pulling my sleeves down, he stood up. I then say a little too loud, "Why are you like this? Why didn't you just hit me and hate me and not talk to me like any other person would do! Why?"

Matt put his hands gently on my shoulders and carefully said , "Because friends wouldn't do that Mello, that's why! Get it through your thick skull."

Now more children and even a maid had joined to watch.

"Matt there is also one other thing that I need to tell you, and it's important."

"Y-you haven't attempted suicide, have you!"

I vigorously shake my blond bobbed head, "No, never attempted it."

He looked extremely relieved and eventually asked, "Well, what is it?"

I then, with out thinking lean over to kiss him on the lips.

Immediately after my lips were against his, he practically jumped back; eyes wide and mouth slightly open from shock. The younger onlookers just said, 'Eww,' not realizing what was wrong. But, the older onlookers might have been as shocked as Matt.

Not more than a minute afterwards, Roger came ripping through the crowd. He stood right in front of me and then spoke.

"Mello, you broke many rules in just one day and you have severely injured Near. You are in trouble."

Luckily Roger hadn't seen me kiss Matt. Because if he did I'd be in some deep shit.

Since I have no respect at all for Roger, I spat on the small spot on the floor between Roger's feet and say defiantly, "Near can go fuck himself for all I care!!"

Respect for another being was the one thing Roger stressed most. And I obviously have no respect for either him or Near.

"Mello, you seriously injured Near's back and he hit his head as well."

After Matt had told me about his new friendship with Near, I rushed out of his room and was going down the large bedroom halls to the closet in which I locked myself into. But, along the way I came across Near and he attempted to ask why I looked so distraught. My answer was grabbing him and shoving him into a small table in the large hallway. Apparently he had hit his back on the corner of the table and hit his head on the way down.

But since Near is fragile this would be a serious injury. I mean, if it were me, I would have been fine. Maybe a bruise but, otherwise fine.

But, the other rules I had broken earlier that day were: breaking into the kitchen unauthorized, making a huge mess in the kitchen, refusing to cooperate with the teachers, and now my supposed fight with Matt. How can my birthday get any worse?

"I would like you to pack your bags and meet me in my office as soon as you possible can."

Hearing that made my jaw drop. No…..no, no, no, no, no! I'm being kicked out! I can't believe I'm being fucking kicked out! This can't be happening! If I'm being kicked out then I'm going to be jumped in some crappy juvenile institute! This can't be happening….

As Roger walked back to his office sternly, I look over to Matt. He looks even more worried than me. Damn, he's so easy to read. I can tell he feels it's his fault this whole situation happened. But, even if I tell him it's not his fault, I know he won't listen.

As his eyes rise to gaze up at me, I quickly avert my own eyes and walk down to my room to leave. I'm not even going to say goodbye, it wouldn't be right.

As I reach out to open my door, I stop. I know Near won't be in there because he's in the hospital ward. If I only didn't share my fucking room with Near. I would be less stressed, I would be able to sleep soundly at night, and I wouldn't be such a problem! But that shit-head Roger refused to switch me out of this god-awful room.

I open my bedroom door and my gaze is attracted to a small package sitting on my bed. I walk up to my bed and carefully take off the wrapping.

Inside the small cardboard box is a messily written note and what looks like a little friendship bracelet thing. The note reads:

"_I dearly hope you have a very happy birthday, Mello-kun; Even if no one else remembered. Also, if you wouldn't mind, on Christmas day would you meet me at the large Christmas tree in the dining hall? Wear the bracelet so we can find each other. I will have one just like it._

_From,_

_A friend_

_P.S.—Don't just forget about it and not come, 'kay dipshit?"_

Wow, that last part was encouraging. I wonder which girl in the house this would be. Sweet, yet tough; caring, yet has an I-don't-take-shit attitude. Well, no one I know; must be some girl in one of my classes. To bad she's gonna be disappointed. But, hopefully she'll hear of my situation and understand.

After I packed my things, I went off to Roger's office. I basically sneak to it so no one will stop me to ask me what I am doing.

I slip into Roger's office, bags in hand, staring at my feet.

"I'm sorry for my wording Miheal."

It bugs me whenever he says my real name! It's only when he's severely agitated and completely serious when he uses it.

"Miheal, the way I put my words may have made you think that you would be leaving."

"Yea, and?" I reply rather harshly.

"I'm assuring you that you are in fact not leaving Wammy's; at least not at this time."

My jaw drops yet again.

"You mean to tell me I packed fucking everything I have just too fucking move back into that damned room!

"You are no longer Near's roommate so no need to fret. I understand now that you will be able to work better if away from Near."

I drop my bags and basically scream at him. "And you mean to tell me you couldn't fucking open your damn eyes to fucking realize that earlier!"

Showing another sign of disrespect I spat on the floor. "Go fuck yourself."

He just sat in his chair with his face full of disgust.

" Who's my new roommate?"

"The third in line to L, the one you know as Matt. I hope your argument earlier will not cause any problems."

"Can I leave now?"

"You may"

I grab my bags and walk out. Shit, this bad. First, Matt, I'm gonna have to deal with. Second, I'm gonna have to deal with Near; and third, that girl. She's probably going to hear about Matt and I, then confront me about it. Shit!

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**Well, this is it for chapter one. It might be quite a while until I can update next. I'm busy with school and such, so….yea.**

**Btw all of my friends that I've had read my story are now all addicted to it; like some sort of drug lol. But, I have up to chapter 5 written out but sadly only chapter 1 typed.**

**Please R&R and thanks for reading! **


	2. A Held Hand

**So this is chapter 2. It has The Sims 2 in it and just giving you a warning for a flashback near the beginning of this chapter. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: If I actually owned Death Note, trust me, Matt would so get more time in the anime and manga.**

**Edit: Just fixing spelling, grammar, and a few sentences to have it make more sense.  
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Well, it's now Christmas Eve and things are still awkward between me and Matt. The first few nights as my new roommate, Matt couldn't even look at me. But, we did talk at least. Also, the first few nights he seemed as if he hadn't slept and it was obvious that he hadn't. In one of our conversations he asked about my…cutting. It was awkward but, he felt it was needed. He asked some of the basic questions.

_--flashback--_

"_Why do you do it?"_

"_It makes me feel better"_

"_How?"_

"_Well, I don't really know. Maybe it helps me focus."_

"_Focus? How?"_

"_Um, well, less like focus, more like it distracts me."_

"_How does it distract you?"_

"_The physical pain distracts me from the mental torment I continue to go through day to day."_

"_Do you know what I don't like, Mel?"_

"_What?"_

"_What I don't like is the possibility of people finding out about this and them calling you things like 'emo' or 'attention-seeker.'"_

"_It's not your problem so, don't worry about it."_

"_It's become my problem!"_

"_Then I guess it was a mistake trusting you then!"_

"_Mel, don't say that. I'm just worried about you."_

"_I'm surprised you would be considering what I did."_

"_What do you m—oh, that."_

"_Yea…screw this I'm getting a chocolate bar. See ya later. "_

_--flashback--_

I'm lying on my back in my bed, just pondering about the girl who sent the letter and about other things.

It certainly looked like girl writing and girl wording. And only girls sent me notes like this. Notes from other boys were usually:

"_You're a bitch and I hate you. Meet me in the games room after classes. Don't wuss out and be a __girl_

_From,_

'_Guy with the whale face'_

_P.S.—Thanks for that nickname"_

But, in the letter nothing really gives it away as a girl who wrote this. No flowery or heart print paper, just a plain paper with a small hand-drawn skull-and-crossbones. So, with that, I can eliminate (A/N: sakujo!) all the girly-girls and any girl that has sent me a letter before. Ok, so with that, my choices are down to 5. Heh, easy.

As I kept thinking, Matt walked in. He immediately averted his eyes when I looked at him. He sat down on his bed and pulled out his gameboy. Then started to pound away at the keys.

A while later he paused his game and actually looked at me for the first time in about 10 days.

"Mel?"

"Yea?"

"D-do you really have feelings for me?"

Sort of taken aback by his very direct question, I stall so I can come up with a witty answer.

"Well, you are my best friend, Matt."

"No, I mean do you have the same feeling for me as you would a girl you like?"

"No."

"Then why the hell did you kiss me?!" was Matt's reply as he raised his voice.

"I've been thinking and I've realized that I don't really have any girl that I've ever liked nor do I think I'd be able to have an actual relationship with a girl."

Matt looked at me a little bit confused as to what I had meant.

"Let…me…tell...you...so...you...can...understand." I say slowly, implying that he's retarded.

"Just fucking tell me, Mel" he said a bit angered as he threw a pencil from his desk at me.

"Well, I think I'm gay"

"No, really?" he replies sarcastically.

I grab the pencil he had thrown at me, and threw it back at him, "Oh, shut up."

"But, anyways, Mel, I think—well…it's great that you like me but, I'm not like that. I'm sorry"

Instead of doing the usual and telling Matt to get me my chocolate bar, I reach over to my bedside table and grab a chocolate bar off of it; then respond contently, "Sorry? For what?"

"Nothing, it's just that you must be disappointed, right?"

"Yea, But I know you're not like that so, what am I supposed to expect?"

"Right, right."

Matt then leaned over the edge of his bed, digging for something under his bed. I wonder what.

A moment later, he was propped up against the headboard of his bed with his laptop on his lap. He flicked the top open and swiftly turned it on. I'm looking—make that staring— at Matt, curious as to what he's doing. He clicked on something and turned the screen to me saying, "Wanna make a game?"

"Uh, sure. What is it?"

Just then a screen popped up that said "The Sims 2." I've heard of this game before and it actually seems quite interesting. Matt got up from his bed and walked over to mine, putting the laptop on it. I roll onto my stomach and look up at Matt, "What do I do?"

Matt sat down on the edge of my bed and started to explain everything I needed to know. He also left a game guide to explain anything else.

"Well, you're all set up. I'll be back before dinner."

"With permission?"

"What?"

"Are you leaving Wammy's with permission?"

"Who said I was leaving."

I cast Matt a serious glance, "Come on, even I know you can't just walk around, say hi to random people, and be content doing nothing. As a matter of fact, I'll make that your Sim's personality."

"Ok, you got me. And yes, I'm leaving with permission."

"See you then."

As Matt was about to leave, he poked his head back into the room and said, "Oh, and Mel?"

"Hmm?"

"Please promise you won't do anything stupid when I'm gone. Please?"

"Yea, I promise."

Right after he left I realize what he meant by "anything stupid." My cutting. Geez, sometimes he's such a freakin' worry-wart. But, he does care, that makes it better.

For my Sims game I created Matt and myself. No way in hell I am making Near and I couldn't find L's hair. So, just us. Not long later, I figured out by accident, that you could make the Sims gay. Yea, it was a bit awkward but, I could let some of my feelings for him out in this game. After only what seems like minutes, I had Sim-Matt and Sim-Mello doing the "woohoo" action.

But, I had to stop and think: what if Matt played this game? Would he freak? Probably not. Would he not look at me for another week? Probably. But, I change my mind. So what if he played it, that's his fucking problem if he can't accept me.

A few Sim-days passed and my Sim was severely depressed and Sim-Matt was not-so-surprisingly playing video games.

"Wow, how much more accurate can this game get?" I mumble to myself.

Then a few more Sim-days passed and Sim-Matt had proposed to Sim-Mello. Mello gladly accepted and was not depressed anymore. Sim-Matt and Mello had also adopted a little baby. My Sim was holding her when the real Matt walked through the door.

Matt saw my Sim holding the baby and immediately said, "So, who's the lucky mother?"

I didn't notice him until now and I nervously save and quit while saying, "Um, no one. I'm sorta tired of this game; so, here."

Matt took the laptop I offered him and set it back to its original spot, under his bed.

I look at the clock on my bedside table as Matt started his game on his gameboy.

"Shit! It's dinner-time." I exclaim jumping out of my bed. I grab Matt by his stripped sleeve and pull him out of the room, making him drop his gameboy.

"Hey, Mel!" he complains.

"Shut up, we're going to dinner."

Matt's pace evens out with my own but, I'm still grasping the bottom of his sleeve. Matt either didn't mind or didn't notice because he did nothing in protest.

When we got to the dining hall, there weren't very many seats left. There's a pair of window seats and Matt loves window seats. Seeing this Matt takes my hand and runs to the table in fear of it being taken.

We come to a stop at the table and Matt releases my hand. I turn away from him to hide my _slight_ blush.

"Hey, Mel, you think you can stay here while I get my food first?"

I sit down at the table, meaning that I'll stay.

I rest my chin on my palm and stare out the window. I look at a group of people when they pass by. Some girl from the crowd just said, "Hey, Mello-kun." The group walks of and I look at her closely. Holy shit! She has that bracelet! Missy likes me!?

Missy, by the way, is another rival that I have. But, obviously not as big of a rival as Near is. The only real competition I have with her is in P.E. class. I strive to get a better mile time than her, do more push-ups than her, get more goals than her, and this list goes on.

Come to think of it, Near does nothing more than stay in the sidelines at P.E. He does nothing but still gets better grades than me! How fucked up is that!

Missy is just as competitive as me but, unlike me, she's a good loser. I can't believe she likes me. Damn it! I just remembered...Matt likes her. Shit!

So let's see, Missy likes me; I like Matt; Matt likes Missy. How is this going to work out? Oh yea, that's right, **it's not**. I have a feeling something bad might happen.

There's only one way to solve this problem; Keep Missy Away From Me/(Mello) At All Costs. The K.M.A.F.M.A.A.C. plan commences now!

"Hey, Mel...Mello!"

I come out of my daze and Matt's standing there. "Oh, sorry. I'm just sorta out of it."

"Well then, here," Matt says as he pulls out a chocolate bar, "I bet you haven't had one in hours."

I hastily rip it out of his hand, "Fuck yea, chocolate!"

"Heh, ok Mel, you can get your food now."

"I'm not hungry."

"Then take some of my food. I'm not going to let you pass up dinner."

"I said I'm not hungry."

"Yea right, you're always hungry"

"Apparently I'm not." But, just to prove Matt right, my stomach growls.

"Mel, you're obviously hungry, so why won't you eat?"

"Because I don't feel hungry, my body may say otherwise, but I don't feel hungry."

"But, you still have to eat even if you don't feel like, Mel."

"No."

"What?"

"I fucking said no, are you deaf!" I raise my voice and hit the table with my hands.

"Mel, you have to eat or you'll just get worse."

"What if I don't care?" I practically yell back.

"What would make you care?" Matt says back quietly.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe if someone actually remembered my fucking birthday!"

"I'm so sorry, Mel." Matt almost whispers back. Great now he's withdrawing. Damn it, I wish he didn't worry about me so much. "You should be!"

"I ordered your present but the damned post office lost it and I had to order another one. It should be here by Christmas".

"What? Really?" So he did remember.

"Yea and also an anonymous person wanted me to tell you they have a great present to make up for missing your birthday and for Christmas."

"Do you know this anonymous person?"

"Yes."

"Would this person be Missy?"

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**Will things grow between Mello and Matt? Where did Matt go off to? Will Matt find Mello's Sims game? Will the K.M.A.F.M.A.A.C.** **plan work? What is Matt's gift? Is this anonymous person Missy? **

**Find out next time ooooon………Wammy Days!**

**HAHA I'm a bitch for doing a cliffhanger aren't I? Even though to me it seems like a very small cliff hanger. I hate cliffhangers myself and I have no clue why I did one. Well for the sake of the readers I will do my best to update before Friday.**

**Please R&R and thanks for reading! **


	3. Christmas Day

**Wow, chapter 2 was pretty short. And I honestly think it's the worst chapter yet. Not to worry, I will make it up in the up-coming chapters! **

**I just want to say thanks to all of you who have reviewed! Your reviews really made me happy and even a bit overwhelmed! You guys have really made me want to continue this story to the end, and I intend to! Thanks again!**

**Disclaimer: I think you get the picture already. Do I need to repeat myself? I don't own Death Note! **

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"_Would this person be Missy?"_

"No, it's not. Why?"

"Because she's the one I thought was the only person to remember my birthday."

"Oh...and again, Mel, I'm sor—"

"Please just stop with saying sorry. "

"Sorry."

"Matt!"

"Ok, I'll stop."

"Hurry up and eat so we can leave."

Right after Matt finished his plate of food; we went off to our room and tried to find something to do to kill time.

"Hey, Mel, why don't you play your Sims game?" Matt said suggestively while playing his racing videogame.

"No, I'll pass."

"You seemed to like it, why not?"

"I'm going to sleep instead. Time passes faster that way."

"Yea, ok."

I haven't had a good night's sleep in a while but, tonight I'm able to fall asleep relatively easily.Though, I feel a little uneasy, like someone is watching me. Matt wouldn't stare at me in my sleep. Would he? I must be getting paranoid.

I open my eye the slightest bit, so just in case he is watching me, Matt won't notice. Matt is sitting on his bed and he is in fact watching me. Why? But, it does look a bit lighter outside. What that must mean is...

"Christmas!!" I yell as load as I can, scaring the crap out of Matt.

"Jeez, Mel, what the fuck?"

I jump out of bed, grab Matt's arm and run down the halls and stairs to the dining hall; not caring that I'm still in my pajamas.

Mountains of presents lay under the various trees in the common rooms, game rooms and the dining hall. People are everywhere and L should be coming later today. He always brings the best gifts. But, I wonder what Matt got me.

"Hey, Mel?"

"Yea?" I respond.

He pulls out a wrapped bow that has my name on it. He then says with a smile, "Here's your gift."

"Oh, cool. Thanks"

"Thanks?" He questions. I don't usually say please or thank you so, this is a rare occasion.

"Yes, thanks." I pout.

"O….k…."

I hastily rip off the wrapping of the slightly large package and oh my god! 3 lbs of Belgian chocolates!

I hug Matt tightly while saying, "Thank you, thank you thank you, thank you!"

"Also, Mel, about 10 of the chocolates have an alcohol filling."

"How in the fucking world did you get them then?"

"I have my ways." was Matt's reply through a sly smile.

"Oh, this'll be great, 5 for you and 5 for me."

"Yea and keep safe and well hidden because if Roger finds out we'll both be kicked out of this hell-hole."

"Don't worry, I will."

A voice then interrupts our conversation.

"Hey, Mello, why have you been avoiding me?"

Mello? Why isn't Missy calling me Mello-kun? It must be because of Matt. She doesn't want Matt to get mad at me because he thinks I'm tying to steal her from him or something. She knows he likes her too because in, case I haven't mentioned, he's easy to read.

Matt interrupts my thoughts with him saying, "I'll be right back. I'm gonna collect some of my gifts."

He walked off and Missy asks me again, "Mello-kun, why have you been avoiding me?" Now she starts with the 'kun'.

"Well, I don't like you the way you like me, sorry."

"Um, I don't like you."

"Huh! Then why did you call me Mello-kun?"

"It just a way to address boys in Japanese, I mean, I could call you by your real name."

"We aren't in japan so drop the suffixes. And you don't know my name, your just bluffing."

"Do you really want to take that chance?"

"Fine, nevermind. What do you want then?"

"I want to go out with you so I can make another guy jealous."

Wow, she is sometimes so blunt it's scary. "Who would this guy be?"

"Please don't kill me...it's...Near."

"What the fuck? Near?"

Right after I said that, she slapped her hand over my mouth to shut me up. "Shut the hell up, Mello!"

"Ok, I'll keep my mouth shut. But, I'm not going out with you."

"Huh? Why not?"

"Uh...don't tell anyone, promise?"

"Yea, promise."

"I-I'm gay."

"Yea right, I bet you just don't want to go out with me. That's the classic guy line and I would rather be turned down than lied to."

"But I really am."

"Oh yea, then prove it!"

"Fine I will!" I stop to look around to see where Matt had gone off to. He'd tell her .

"Uh, Mello, sometime today."

"I'm going to find Matt, he'll tell you."

"No, show me."

"Show you?"

"Yea, kiss a guy or something."

"No! I'm not gonna kiss some random guy!"

"Oh, so you're not gay?"

"I am, shut the hell up!" I huff, walking off. I call back to her, "Follow me."

Walk up to where Matt was and I stand there for a second.

"Oh, hey Mel." Matt says happily with 3 gifts in his hands. "If you're looking for your gift I fo—"

I cut him off by grabbing his head and smashing his lips into mine. A second passed and he didn't do anything from shock. But then, he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me off him. He ran to the hall of the closet I locked myself into a while back.

"Ok, I believe you now, Mello. See you later!"

Fuck! I think Matt now officially hates me. This is just great. I have to learn how to control my frustration and anger.

I grab my chocolates and run after him. I go up to the door and grab the doorknob. It's not locked. I open the door to see Matt facing me.

"Why?"

"I don't know..."

"That's not good enough, Mel. I need to know why."

"I'm sorry but I can't give you an answer!"

"It shouldn't be that hard! Why do you like me! Why did you kiss me? Why do you hurt yourself!"

"I just don't like girls, but I don't like any other guys. It's just you! I cut 'cause it helps, so just drop it!"

"I'm sorry Mel, but leave, I need to think."

Matt then pushed me out of the closet and slammed the door in my face, locking it. This is the worst Christmas ever.

I walk back to the dining hall, ignoring and avoiding everyone. I collect the few gifts I got and start walking back to my room. But, a hunched figure blocks my path. I don't care to look up to see who it is because I simply don't give a shit.

"Well, Mello, it's been a while since we've last spoken to each other," the figure says in a familiar dreary voice.

I slowly look up to see, "L!"

"Yes, it's good to see you too."

"How have things been going on the Kira case? And are you any closer to catching him?" I ask in fake interest.

"Things are going relatively good but, it's nothing for you to concern yourself with."

"Yea, yea. Sure."

"Where is Matt I thought you two were best friends? Has something happened?

"Nothing happened, so don't worry about it."

"I see that as a 97 percent chance that something big has happened between you two?"

"Ugh, why do you have to be like this, L?"

"I have something you may be more interested in; your gift."

"Oh yea, I forgot!"

"Come outside and I will show it to you there." L then walks to the front door and I follow. Outside? I wonder what it is.

"Before I show it to you, here," L says as he drops a key into my hand.

L opens the door and my jaw drops to the floor. "A fucking motorcycle!"

"See, I knew he would like it Watari."

I run up to my brand-fucking-new motorcycle and trace my fingers along the leather seat and I grip the handle bars. Wow, this must have been fucking expensive.

I look back at L with wide eyes, "Wow, but I'm not old enough to drive it."

"I realize that and I will keep it very safe until you can. But, I will leave the key in your possession."

"Again, wow...what did you get Matt and Near?"

"They can tell you that themselves." L says as he waves for Watari to take the bike into storage.

"Thanks L!" I yell to him as I run back to Wammy's.

When I got inside, I picked up my gifts I had left at the door and walk quickly back to my room. When I open the door of our room, I surprisingly see Matt. He's playing what looks like a brand new gaming computer, something he's wanted for years. I place my gifts on my bed and sit at the edge of my bed, staring at my feet.

It stayed quiet the rest of the night. I opened my gifts and fell asleep without dinner. Matt didn't touch his gifts but, I did hear him leave to go eat dinner. When he got back I heard him play on his gaming computer for a while, walk around, and lay on his bed. Then, I felt his eyes on me again. Why?

The next morning I sleep in because there's no school today. But, my dreaming was interrupted by Matt.

"Mel, wake up, it's already like 2pm."

"Ugh, fine." The weeks had pass relatively quickly and damned Valentine's Day is now around the corner.

* * *

**omg, wow I updated so fast I can't believe it. Only one day after chapter 2, I blame you readers who made me really happy and want to type this chapter. Thank you for that! But if I keep going at this rate I'm gonna run out of chapters and that would be bad...very bad.**

**And don't worry I won't forget to add Matt's b-day in chapter 4. There will be one sentence telling about his b-day and I'm sorry for that! I love Matt and I wish I included his b-day more but, I wanted to get on with the story and I really couldn't think of anything to happen on his b-day. But all about Matt's b-day is made up for on Valentine's Day.**

**Please R&R and thanks for reading! **


	4. Valentine's Surprise

**Wow, chapter 3 was really short and had a ton of dialog! I change my mind about chapter 2; chapter 3 is the worst so far.**

**Also, I just wanted to say that there is actual 'action' between M&M in this chapter, nothing major but still action. And it's a bit dark in the end. **

**Happy Valentine's Day everyone! (It's also my brother Matt's 7****th**** b-day!)**

**Disclaimer: Must I say it in French! I don't own Death Note!**

* * *

On Matt's birthday, February 1st, Matt reluctantly took one of my gifts, a kiss. The other gifts were just some video games but, he was happy with that. Matt had played the Sims game I had made but, didn't seem bothered in the least. I still, surprisingly, haven't touched my Belgian chocolates yet and Matt's a bit worried about that. Why would he care anyways? I also haven't cut myself since I had shown Matt but, I've been tempted many times to do it again.

Now it's Valentine's Day and both Matt and I have gotten tons of Valentine cards, candies, ect. Because I'm so bored I've actually reduced myself to play one of Matt's videogames with him.

"Matt, this is boring let's do something else." I demand.

"..." Matt pauses the game but, doesn't move.

"Matt? Something else." I repeat.

He mumbles a soft, "Fine," and gets up from his bed to get the game controller off my bed. He grabs the controller and stops. Matt then looks over to me. Why is he looking at me? And what the fuck is going on with him lately?

"Mel?"

"Hm? What?"

And before I know it, Matt has me pinned on my bed. Oh shit...what in the name of Kira is going on?

I do sorta want this but, I know Matt doesn't want this. I can tell.

"Matt, don't do this. I know you d—"

"No, Mel. I-I don't know."

"Get off of me."

Matt didn't move so, I repeat myself, "Get off!"

Instead of listening to me, Matt pushed his lips to mine. It was powerful, but gentle. He tasted like cherry suckers, too.

I don't struggle or really do anything; I just gladly accept it and return the kiss back. The kiss deepens as his tongue slips artfully past my lips and explores my mouth, which makes me emit a low moan from the back of my throat. I since I can't think clearly I just let him continue. He releases one of my arms and with that free hand a tug on Matt's shirt in pleasure. He also lets out a small moan.

Then out of nowhere I hear a loud gasp. Both Matt and I broke apart and looked up to see...Near. Near stood there eyes wide, mouth slightly open, and a light blush on his face.

"I-I'm sorry Mello, Matt. I should go."

Matt jump of me as I stand up as I yell to Near, "If you fucking tell anyone I swear I will fucking kill you, you little batard!"

The door clicks shut. I look at Matt and Matt looks at me. Shit! This is bad, really bad. Matt then gets this look as if he's going to have a panic attack. He says quickly and quietly, "I-I have to go, sorry."

I let him go 'cause he looks really worried. When he gets like this or needs to think about something, he usually goes outside to the side yard under where our bedroom window is. So I can sometimes watch him 3 floors up. If he ever found out I see him out there, he'd freak because when he goes out there he...smokes. And he obviously doesn't want anybody to know about this.

I've never confronted him about it because we both have our issues; my cutting and his smoking. Yea, he may be too young, but still. I don't know but, if anyone else found out about this then there'd be hell to pay.

I see Matt go to his usual spot and he pulls out a cigarette. He lights it then, takes a long drag from it. I can practically see the stress pour from him. After a few more minutes of watching him, I hear someone knock at the door. I walk over to the door and answer it. A girl is standing there.

The girl standing at the door said super sweetly, "Hi Mello, is Matt there?"

"No."

Her voice changes from sweet to stern as she says, "Fine. Can you give this to him when he comes back? And don't eat any of it!"

"Yea, ok." I say plainly as I take the small box of chocolates and slam the door in her face and turn around.

"Near also wants to speak to you." She called from behind the door.

"Ugh, sure, it's unlocked."

The door opens slowly and quietly. When I hear the door close again, I say sharply, "What!"

"Um, I'm sorry, I should knock next time." You could almost hear the blush and embarrassment in his voice.

"Just shut up! You saw nothing!"

"So you've done more?"

I abruptly turn to face him, "Hell no!"

"I see."

"No, you don't so shut the fuck up, Near!"

"Well, if I don't know I should find out."

"No! You can't tell anyone! Not even L!"

Near walks toward the door and opens it, "I make no promises."

"You little shit!" I yell as he leaves.

I then go back to the window. Just watching Matt makes me upset. And I know I said I would stop but, the blood gives me comfort, hope; something I just don't have now.

About 5 minutes later, Matt had put away the cigarettes and began walking inside. But just then, Roger stomped out, Near trailing behind him. I can't hear what's going on, but I see Roger grab Matt's wrist and take him inside. As this is happening, Near looks up at me, twirling his white hair on his god-damned finger and transformers toy in his other hand.

I then realize...that little piece of mother-fucking shit told Roger! He's dead!

Not to long later, Roger had come through the door and took me back to his office. Once in his office, I take a seat across from his desk and next to Matt. Near is sitting in a chair next to Roger. Matt has his eyes closed and looked like he was going to die from anxiety. I wonder if Roger had caught Matt smoking, but I doubt that.

"Miheal, Mail," Roger started. "Nate told me he saw you two engaging in...activities. (A/N XD Roger can't think of any other way to put his words XD) Is this true?"

I stand up and raise my fist up to Near violently, "I warned you not to tell fucking anyone and you didn't listen, you little shit! You are so dead!"

"Sit down, Miheal!" Roger says loudly and sternly, to get my attention.

I sit down, giving Near an evil stare.

"So, that would be a yes, Miheal?"

I was about to respond when Matt interrupts, "Ok, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to—just please—it isn't Mel's fault!"

Roger just sighed and put his face in his hands. "I really don't know how to go about this situation."

I look over at Matt to see him glaring icily at Near. Near is just sitting there, twirling his god-damned hair on his finger, looking at Roger. God damn, I hate that kid; always so emotionless, so closed. He's always in his own little world and can just block everyone out if he wanted to. He never gets close to anyone, never tells anyone about himself. God damn, I pity the kid. But yet, I'm jealous of him for that.

"I really don't know." Roger repeats.

Near then suggests in his monotone voice, "Do you possibly think we may need to contact L?"

"No, a petty issue like this would just cause him trouble."

"Yes, I understand, but if you do not know what action is to be performed, then it won't be too troublesome for him. Plus L is still staying here. So, it's not like we will be disturbing any major work."

That little suck-up! Why can't he just drop it! What's so wrong anyways?

"Please don't..." Matt begs quietly.

"Can you repeat yourself, Mail, I didn't quite hear you."

"Please don't contact L, I don't know how he's gonna react to this type of situation and I don't want Mel's chances of becoming his successor jeopardized in any way."

"Yes, I completely understand where you are coming from but, I don't know."

Not being able to contain my confusion, I blurt out, "Wait, someone tell what the hell is so wrong!"

Matt then adds a, "Yea, please?" to my comment.

"Well, you are still young and may just be confused or 'experimenting' out of boredom; but, it isn't particularly average to be homosexual."

"Yea well we're not 'particularly average' anyways, we're fucking geniuses!"

"What I mean is: it's not exactly socially acceptable to be homosexual."

"Yea, well who gives a fuck?"

"If you were ever to become L's successor or in any position of power, people may not treat you with as high respect as if you were heterosexual."

"Why the fuck is that!? I heard L's gay!"

"Well, your accusations of L are incorrect. And I do not know the reason to this; it's just a person's preferences of another."

"That's bullshit!"

"Watch your language, Miheal."

I make a face at Roger but, stay silent. Then I add to my comment, "Well, I guess that means Near's one of those people who hate fags."

"Miheal!" I just make another face toward Roger and stare down at the floor.

"May we leave now Roger?" Matt says quietly but, loud enough for Roger to hear him this time.

"Yes...you may."

We both get up and walk out. I walk to the staircase, expecting Matt to follow me; but, he didn't. Instead Matt walked to the game room near by. Curious; I follow behind him, careful not to get caught. In the game room, he didn't play any videogames but, he did start a conversation with Missy. I couldn't hear anything the other was saying but, I guess it doesn't matter. After a few minutes more of conversation, Matt grasped Missy's shoulders and pulled her toward him, kissing her. What in the fucking hell is he doing!

She doesn't push away, but Matt cuts the kiss off short. Completely shocked and heart-broken, I quietly run out and to my room. I lock myself in the bathroom that's in the room and lock the door. I reach for the medicine cabinet and open it carefully, revealing a well hidden razor blade.

"What the fuck did he do that for! How the hell could he do this to me?" I mumble harshly to myself.

I steadily take the razor and carefully glide the blade down my pale, scared skin. I push harder so it goes deeper. A gasp of pain escapes my lips as the blood soaked blade runs deeper into my skin. Blood is pulsating from my arm in slow, warm streams; and a lot of blood at that. Fuck! The blade slips and cuts even deeper in one spot. When it drops to the floor it makes a soft splash sound in the growing puddle of blood below me.

I grasp my arm tightly and slide against the wall to the floor. I squeeze my eyes tightly together and savor the agonizing pain. I slowly open my eyes to watch the crimson liquid pour from my arm. Shit, I feel dizzy. This is bad; I've lost too much blood.

I rip one of the stark white towels off the towel rack and wrap it around my right arm. I press down hard with the towel, making me gasp again. The pain and dizziness blurs out everything around me, when suddenly everything starts to fade out. I slump over and slip into my own puddle of blood. I try my hardest to stay conscious 'cause what if...Matt….or someone...else...sees. No, I have to...stay...awake.

* * *

**I did a better job describing the last scene than I expected, wow. Btw: I have no clue what it's like to cut, this just from research and guesses as to what the experience is like. **

**I've been a bit sad, so I thought I wasn't going to have been able to update by Valentine's Day but, TADA! Here it is! But my depression right now actually has an upside; it will help me come up with more of the story and thus no skips in any updates. Next update will be Friday, February 22****nd**

**Hope you enjoyed! Please R&R!**


	5. Help!

**Well, here's chapter 5. Just wanted to say that the dream scene in this chapter, and any chapter after, will be in italics. Enjoy!**

**I also may have not made it very clear about their ages in this. Mello and Matt are both 14 at this point. Mello is in fact only 2 months older than Matt so, since Matt's birthday has passed, they are the same age. Near is like 12 or some shit.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I'm sick and tired of having to tell you people this. Could you 2 do this for me from now on?**

**Mello and Matt: sigh Fine. RabidMihealMailfangirl does not own Death Note!**

**Mel: Wait, how the hell do you know our names!**

**Matt: And we aren't gay!**

**Mel: What!**

**Matt: What is it, Mel?**

**Mel: How could you say that? You're mine and always will be, bitch!**

**Matt: Um...sure -sweat drop-**

**On with the story!**

**Edit: Fixing spelling, grammar, and other issues.**

* * *

My eyelids slowly glide open as I come to. I can hear a voice, sobbing and whispering harshly, "Mello, open the door! Mel! Fuck, no he can't be...Mel!"

It's Matt. Realizing this, I sit up quickly. Since I jerked up, great waves of pain radiate from my arm to the rest of my body. I bit my lip to refrain from emitting any noise.

"Mel...answer me." I hear Matt whisper softly.

I look around, confused. I had slipped in the blood puddle. I stand up and look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I got a little blood on my face and some blood was matted into my hair. Eww, great. I stare hard into my eyes. Empty, that's what they are. What reason is there for me to live...only to be hurt. If only I had ended it there. But, there is something drawing me to live. Is it Matt? L? I don't know. I slowly turn around and look at the puddle of crimson liquid; some of it had flowed under the door and must have left a stain on the other side of the door. That must be the reason as to why Matt is freaking out.

"Mel!" he begs a little louder. "Please, just be alive." I barely hear him whisper a few seconds after. Not wanting him to completely freak out and get help, I reach my left hand out to open and unlock the door and hide my right hand behind my back.

After the door swings open, Matt grabs me by my shoulders. I wince from this jerk of movement, but he doesn't notice. He just yells, "What the hell did you do!" Flustered and angry, tears of frustration begin to well in his eyes. "Why did you do it!"

"..." I just look away from him. The look in his eyes is just unbearable.

"Mel!"

"What? What do you want from me!" I snap back at him angrily.

"Just-just show me your arms."

I hold out my left, scared arm to him.

"No! The other one Mel!"

I slowly, carefully, and regretfully hold out my recently, severely marked and bloodied right arm. Matt grabs my wrist roughly, not caring if it hurts me. He raises my arm to me and yells, "Why the fuck did you do that? I can't believe you! you could of killed yourself!"

"I-I'm sorry." I say, still not looking him in the eyes.

"No, look at me Mel! Why!"

I catch a glimpse of his hurt, painful eyes. He seems to just look right through me. It's unbearable, I can take it. "Why, Matt?"

"Because I'm worried about you! Because I don't want you to kill yourself and if you did, I swear to god I would make sure I die along with you! Do you understand me?"

"I mean, why'd you fucking kissed Missy?"

That comment looked like it shocked him a bit. He looked down and said sadly, "You saw that?"

"Yes I fucking saw!" I yell as I rip my arm away from Matt's now loose grip. This, again, made a wave of pain go through my body. Secretly, I love it but, I hide that fact by putting on a face of pain.

Matt simply said, "I'm so sorry. If I had known you do something retarded, I would have never--I'm sorry." He seemed to be in his own little world; disconnected with reality.

"Explain, Matt. Why?"

"Can I explain while we clean up this mess? We can't have anyone find out."

"Agreed." I say, not wanting to say any more because I was so pissed off.

"I'll steal some bandages from the hospital ward and some towels from the laundry room."

"Just don't get caught."

"I promise." he says with a small smile to try to cheer me up. It didn't work though.

Matt was gone for about 5 minutes and in that time I just sat on the floor of our room, thinking. Why would Matt kiss Missy? What the hell is going on with Matt lately? When Matt got back, he sat next to me and placed the bandages and towels between us.

"Here, um...hold out your arm."

"How could you get this stuff without getting caught?" I ask while Matt takes a wrap of bandages and begins to clean and dress my deep, burning wound.

"I am a master hacker. Let's just say, I have my ways."

"Sure, whatever. Hey, what time is it?"

"Um, around 2:35 a.m."

"Che, well no wonder you could take them without getting caught. Nobody's awake."

"Mel? You're right handed so how do you expect to do any school work?"

"I can deal with it, stop worrying."

"No, I could just snatch some pain-killers or something."

"I would probably get addicted to them."

"I'll make sure that doesn't happen...If you think about it, addictions are kind of like poisons . Some can kill or ensnare you the first time it's slipped to you and some kill you slowly and painfully overtime."

"Then you should stop if addictions are so deadly...Ow! Be careful, that hurt."

"Sorry and what should I stop?"

"Smoking." With that word his hands got a bit less gentle. "Ow! Fucking stop that!"

"If you never did this to yourself in the first place we wouldn't, have this problem, now would we!" his voice dripping with anger and guilt.

"I know! But, hell Matt, I thought you were gentle."

"I'm gentle when I need to be and this is not one of those times."

"It kind of is, Matt. Look at my arm."

"You deserve no pity for this."

"Great, but I just really need to know why the fuck you kissed Missy."

"To test."

"What the hell do you mean by 'to test'?"

"To test what the difference between kissing a girl I've like for years and kissing you. With Missy I pulled away soon after and it really held no spark or anything for that matter. With you I kind of lingered, never quite wanting it to end. I wanted more. There was that spark. But, I don't know if that may be good or bad; you know 'cause the way Roger put things."

"Oh..."

An awkward silence creeps between us. But, it was soon broken by Matt. "Wash your face and hair or something, blood got on your hair and face."

Even though Matt said that a tad too casually for my liking, I listen to him. I go to the bathroom sink and rinse my face and hair a bit. He follows after me and begins to clean the mess below me with the towels he took.

"Matt, will you ever trust me again? 'Cause I understand I you can't."

"Don't even think that. I will, it'll just take some time."

"Yea, because every scar heals with time..."

Oh so unfortunately, it was Sunday and school was to be tomorrow. I plan on feigning sickness in order to miss a day of school for arm-healing purposes. And I'm actually so good at faking illness; I can even force myself to get my ailments.

The next morning, the nurse was by my bed to check on me. Matt had left a mere 2 minutes ago for school, so besides the nurse, I was going to be alone until school is over.

"Mello, did you eat dinner last night?" she said as she took and recorded my (fake) fever.

"No, Ma'am. I went to bed early because I wasn't feeling well last night as well." I say politely, being a total suck-up.

"Well, your temperature is a bit high, so get some rest and you'll be better in no time." she says with a smile plastered across her face. God, I hate doctors. They try to help you even when you don't need it. And when you refuse, they claim you're crazy. But, I hide my resentment the best I can.

"Thank you very much, Ma'am."

After she left, I just lay in my bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. With nothing to do, I think now would be a good time to eat some of those chocolates Matt gave me. I ate about half of the chocolates (about 1½ lbs of chocolate) before I stopped and put the box back under the bed. Each one was so delicious and each one had a different and distinct flavor. Sorta like each of Matt's kisses. It's not like I haven't kissed any girls or anything, 'cause I have; it's just...different with Matt. It's hard to explain...

I decide to go to sleep. Not like there's anything interesting to do anyway. I'm too tired to study, so I can settle for sleep.

A while later, I was awoken by the soft squeak of the door opening. It was Matt. He looks over to my and says sweetly, "Oh, so you were awake this entire time?"

"You just woke me up actually."

He ignores my comment and pulls out his gameboy from his backpack. He sat down on his bed and started to pound away at the buttons viciously, muttering things like "Damn bitch," "Little mother-fucker!" and "You're so gonna die!"

For about an hour I watch him. I watch his slim fingers skillfully jam at the buttons; I watch the cute frustration grow on his face every time he dies; I watch as his eyes move uneasily from his paused game to look up at me. He shuts the lid and speaks, "D-do you love me?"

"Excuse me!" Wow, this was sudden.

"I'm sorry." he says quickly as he opens his gameboy again quickly and mutters, "It's been bothering me lately, I need to know."

"Um, I don't know if I can answer that."

"So you don't?"

"No! That's not what I mean! I just don't really know."

"'Yes, I understand, but if you do not know what action is to be performed, then it won't be too troublesome for' you to decide if I say: I love you."(A/N: some of sentence is a quote from Near in Ch.4)

I stare at him, contemplating on what he just said. H-he loves me? And what the hell is up with the rest of what he said. Oh, wait, now I remember; Near-bitch said that.

"Matt, come on be serious."

"Hey, Mel have you eaten any of your chocolates yet?"

For now I'm going to drop the fact that he so suddenly changed the subject. I'll make sure it comes up again. But, I'm a bit grateful; I don't really feel like discussing about this right now anyways.

"Yea, I ate about half of them earlier."

"Wow, you ate a pound and a half of chocolates?"

"So?"

"Well, it's kind of a lot."

"No amount of chocolate can slow me down!"

"If so, then why didn't you eat them all?"

"Because, I wanted to save some for you."

"Really? Thanks Mel."

I reach under my bed and take out the box of Belgian chocolates. "And we can finish them now."

"Did you have any of the alcohol ones yet?"

"Nope."

"Sweet."

We had eaten all but the alcohol ones when Matt stopped me from grabbing any. "What is it, Matt?"

"We should save these."

"Until when?"

"I don't know. We just have to save them."

"Ok, whatever."

That night when I had finally fallen asleep, I had a nightmare. It was more than that though, it was a night _terror_. I blame the chocolate.

_I was tied up in this very dark, dank room. I'm about 8 or 9 years old. The really strange thing is that my parents are here, tied up as well. God, I feel so exhausted; from crying, yelling, and because I feel like I haven't slept in days._

_My parents, blindfolded as well as tied up, stayed quiet. My dad would occasionally say out to no one in particular, "Please let my son and wife go! Please, they don't deserve this!"_

_After quite a while of staying quite, chained to the ground, a shadowed figure appeared. "I will be needing little Miheal, I hope you don't mind," a woman's voice rang out._

_With that comment, my mom started to sob loudly. Who is this woman? I don't remember the past few days; I wonder what happened in those days having to do with this lady. The one thing I am sure about her though, is the fact that she's pure evil._

_She grabbed my bruised wrists from behind my back and jerked me hard off the floor. I didn't realize how sore I was until then. God damn, I hurt. My muscles ache, my bones ache; just everything is in pain. _

_The woman had dragged me into a different room which was beyond that of a large metal door. Oh dear god! It smells like decomposing bodies! Like rotting flesh! like...death!_

_I yelp as my bare, shirtless skin makes contact with horribly cold metal. She had thrown me atop a metal slab of a table. She then hurriedly shackled my arms, legs, waist, and head to the table. What the hell is going on? In panic I scream out, "Who the fuck are you! What are you doing!"_

"_Ah, amnesia," she said blatantly, "just call me Rose."_

_I begin sobbing from sheer terror. "L-let…me go! Fucking let m-me go!"_

"_Oh I will dear boy. I'm saving you from witnessing the same as I. I could very easily have left you in there but, I was your age when it happened to me so I'll sympathize with you."_

"_W-witness what! What do you mean?" I yell as I struggle uselessly, trying to escape. _

"_Death, foolish boy, death!"_

"_**NO! You bitch!"**_

"_I'll be back in 5, don't you worry." Rose says with a smirk and what was the hint of a laugh; a fucking laugh._

"_No! No! Don't!"_

_She slams the door behind her and I sob even harder. About a minute later, I hear screams; horrible, horrible screams. I then just continued crying and crying and crying 'till that piece of shit Rose came back. She walked over to me calmly; unshackling my arms, legs, waist, and head. She pointed to another door behind me and says, "Freedom."_

_Without second though, I ran out the door. I ran away from the creepy building, I ran and ran and ran. Then, thing grew fuzzy and out of focus. The world around me began to shake._

"Mel! Mello, wake up! Mel!" A voice calls.

I snap my eyes open and scream impulsively, "No! Get your fucking hands off me, you bitch!"

The hands release me and calls out again, "Mel?"

I begin to come out of my sleepy daze and the source of the voice was none other than Matt. Thank god! I jump up and grab onto him, hugging him tightly. I don't want him to leave me, not now.

"I love you, Matt!"

* * *

**Wow, that last little part was very fluffy-like; more so than intended. Oh well.**

**Now you all know why Matt 'betrayed' Mello. Hurray for you. Also I'm still trying to figure out how the alcohol chocolates will be finished off. But, I don't need any suggestions or anything so don't worry about it. Any questions so far? Anything you don't understand or are confused about? If so, please comment and I will help you out with your issue.**

**Also, I have this idea for another fanfic but, I can't come up with a title. If you would like to help, please contact me and I will tell you the idea and we can come up with a good title together. I thank you all in advance!**

**I also thank all who have read and reviewed. You guys really help me keep going.-thumbs up- and yes, I updated early again. -sigh- whatever will I do? **

**Ch 6: shall be updated before next Friday!**


	6. Tattletale

**This time I have a good reason for my early update. Later today (Thursday), my family is going on a trip and since my computer can't come with us it was either update early or a few days late. And since I'm nice I decided to type as much as I could to post early. I almost thought I wouldn't be able to finish in time. But I did so, yay!**

**Ok, there has been a transition! This story has changed from Mello's POV to Matt's POV! I might do this every 5 chapters or so. Mello's kind of thinking is stating what he thinks, not caring if he's wrong until he's proven so. Matt's thinking is the 'what-ifs' kind of thinking. He's almost always thinking of the consequences. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: -yawn- Um, who wants to do the disclaimer? -falls asleep sitting in chair-**

**Mikami: OH, OH MIKAMI WILL DO IT!**

**Me:-startled- Whoa, where the hell did you come from! Uh, nevermind, just continue.**

**Mikami: SHE NO OWN!-points to me- -in evil voice-**_**If you flame your name shall be written in me Death Note! **_**-waves death note in your face-**

**Me: -sigh-…….oh, Mika-kun…..**

**(LOL Mikami is funny as hell!)**

* * *

Mello just woke up from a really bad night terror and said he loves me? Something is really wrong here. I'll ask about it later 'cause he's obviously too scared to say anything to me about it now. I wonder what it was about. He was talking in his sleep about his parents and a woman. It must have been about the night his parents were killed. If it is, that awful! He shouldn't have to go through the same damn thing twice! I'm gonna have to tell someone if that's the case. If I don't, Mel will just get worse.

I just sat there, shocked, letting him hold onto me. It's really odd 'cause Mel isn't a huggy person nor has he acted this vulnerable before. It's just all wrong.

God damn it, I feel so bad. I should comfort him but I have no clue how. But, I should try to help him. But, it could make him feel worse. Jeez, I'm so confused lately.

"Mel?"

"..." he doesn't say anything but he looks up at me.

"Was it about the night?" he's never told me anything about the night he lost his parents so, I'm pretty curious and I hope he tells me something about it. Though I never told Mel the truth about the night I lost mine.

"..." he still doesn't say anything.

Nor do I speak.

A calm, quiet wind comes between us. Not an awkward one; a nice one.

"It is." Mel says out of the blue but answering my previous question.

"Can you tell me about it?"

Mel just looks away, thinking. He eventually replies, "No."

"Mel, you know I'm gonna have to tell someone about this."

With that, Mel pushes away from me and yells, "No way! You can't!"

"I have to, Mel!" Mel just reaches over to me and lifts my goggles off my face a little before snapping them back to my face.

"Bloody hell, Mello!" I say sharply as I cradle my face.

"Don't tell _anyone_!" He hisses through clenched teeth.

"But, Mel, if I don't you could just get worse!"

"Don't or I'll kill myself!" (A/N: He sounds like a bitch doesn't he?)

"Mel, that's not funny at all! Don't you dare say anything like that again!" I seriously can't believe Mello just said that.

"Then don't tell anyone!"

"What is the big deal with me telling someone about this nightmare?"

"Because whoever you tell is gonna ask questions about it and then they might find out thing that they don't need to know about, ok!"

"Mel...I promise I won't let that happen."

"No. cause if it does happen, you'll just blame yourself."

To that comment, I just sigh and walk over to my bed. I plop down on it and pull out my gameboy. Video games are sorta like Mel's cutting in a way. 'It distracts me from the pain I have emotionally and physically.' Plus, I can take my anger/pain out on the fictional characters. I just try to immerse myself into the fiction world and forget about the real one I'm actually in. Smoking just lowers my stress. I don't do it to be cool or because of peer pressure; actually I think I'm the only one at Wammy's (including the adults) that smokes.

I find it a little weird that Mel hasn't or doesn't say anything about me smoking. I guess it's because I don't smoke often, I don't smoke indoors (except for the first time), and 'cause I keep the fact that I smoke super-duper secret. That makes me wonder if Mel has any other habits/secrets he's never told me about. Maybe I should ask? I hope he doesn't take it the wrong way.

"Um...Mel?"

"Hmm?" Mel says, lying on his bed, munching angrily at his chocolate bar.

"If you never knew about the smoking thing, I would have never told you about it. Are there any other secrets or habits you have?"

"Fire."

"...uh, fire?"

"Yes, I love it...I play with your lighter all the time I fact. And I also like knives; I sneak into the kitchen sometimes and just look at them."

"Mel!"

"No, no! That not where the cutting started, don't worry, jeez!"

"Oh, wow, that makes me feel better." I say, rolling my eyes.

"...Also guns."

"Crap, Mel, guns!" I say, putting down my gameboy, a little surprised by all this sudden, random information.

"Yes, guns, ok! Mel snaps back. You could hear the irritation in his voice.

"Do you have one?" I ask, truly interested.

"…Well…yea."

"Damn it, Mel...why? And where are you hiding it?"

"I have it 'cause I like it and why the hell would I tell you, you bastard! You'd just take it anyway!"

God, I hate it that he worries me this much. But, I have no clue why he worries me so and why I care for him; that's what bugs me.

"Damn it, Mel you're gonna get blown up or killed or something, I swear."

"No, you'll die before I do."

"Huh, why!"

"You'll die of lung cancer or something of that sort."

"If you're that worried about that, than why don't you ever tell me to stop?"

"Because, I'm not worried and if you didn't have cigarettes you'd probably die of an anxiety induced heart attack and then I'd have to blame Kira . I really don't want to have to go through the whole 'revenge your death' sorta thing. So I'll let you have your cigarettes."

"That's why I don't complain about your chocolate."

"Yep." Mel says as he unwraps another chocolate bar and takes a bite from it.

"We should try to get back to sleep, Mel. School's in the morning."

"I can't I don't wanna have another dream like that."

"Well, I'm just not tired."

"What has L's insomnia finally rub off on you?"

"Maybe."

Mel and I continued talking for a few more hours about a bunch of random subjects. It was pretty nice actually. I found out more about Mel and I think he found out a lot about me as well. I really think he's starting to trust me. And I'm beginning to trust Mel again, too.

The next school day was the same as any other; boring and odd. Odd because in the middle of math class, Mel started ranting out loud about how he's not gonna lose to Near. It was hilarious but, he looked pretty embarrassed.

In history class, I was really close to falling asleep because it was_ really_ boring and I didn't get to sleep. Mel had to jab me several times in the back with his pencil to help keep me awake.

The bell had rung and it was finally lunch time. On the way to the dining hall, I ask Mel a question that I've wanted to ask him for quite a while, "Hey, Mel, have you ever thought about just drinking chocolate syrup out of the bottle instead of fussing with all the wrappers on chocolate bars?"

"Eww, no." he said as he snapped of a piece of his chocolate bar.

"Why?"

"Because, it's sticky, runny, and just gets everywhere."

Changing the subject abruptly, I say, "Mel, we should skip our last class and go look around for L before he leaves. English class isn't very interesting anyway."

"Do you skip class often? 'Cause you sound like you do."

"No."

"Sure you don't. But we really should wait 'till school is over before we go looking for him."

"It takes a good hour to just find him though."

"Can't you just hack into the security system and look for him?"

"Oh yea, I forgot about that."

"And that's why you're third."

"Che, shut up, Mel."

"Well, it's true."

"Well you know what, your second and always will be because you can't control your emotions!" I snap back playfully.

"Shut the fuck up, Matt."

"Then you shut up."

"Fine! I will!"

"Fine!"

The rest of lunch was pretty enjoyable. We sat at our usual spot at the table by the window. I don't know why, but I just love to look at the sky. I guess it's because it seems so peaceful, so perfect. It seems to go on forever, as well.

After lunch, we went off to our last two classes, science and English. They were both as boring as usual. When the bell had rung for dismissal, we rushed back to our room to hack the system.

I was sitting at my desk on my previous computer to my gaming one. Mel was hovering around me, munching at his chocolate bar. Then I had come across L.

"Hey, I found L."

"Wait! Why the hell is he in Near's room?"

"I don't know; should we go eavesdrop and find out?"

"Yea, let's go."

On our way to Near's room, I just keep thinking what L is talking to Near about. It must have something to do with him becoming L's successor. Oh, I hope not because if Mel finds out, he'd beat the crap out of Near.

When we get to his door, we hear L's dreary, low voice. Mel and I put out ears against the door to hear better, but you could still barely understand the muffled conversation. Please don't let it be about being his successor, please.

"Are you sure about your accusations?"

"For the most part, yes."

"If you are not 100 percent sure, than what if you are incorrect?"

"Than that would be my mistake."

Yes Near, but you must be completely sure. They would defiantly be upset with you if you were wrong."

"I understand."

I wonder who and what they are talking about; something serious obviously.

"Psst, Matt, what are they talking about?" Mel whispers.

"I don't know, just keep listening." I whisper back.

We hear Nears voice say, "But L, something is wrong with him and I am I bit concerned."

"For your rival? Interesting…"

"Yes."

"What do you think he's doing?"

"If he found out I told you, he will defiantly kill me."

"Mello, Matt, come in here."

Shit! How did he know we where here! When Mel was about the grab the door knob, I stop him, whispering, "No Mel, don't. It's a bluff; he doesn't know we're here."

Mel lowers his arm and we listen in again.

"I'm 95 percent sure that no one is outside that door."

"That is still 5 percent."

"Do not worry, I promise nothing will happen to you,"

"…I…have this hunch that Mello is…um, harming himself. Linda told me she had seen marks on Mello's arms when he and Matt got in an argument on his birthday and Mello had rolled up his sleeves."

"That would make sense of his clothing preferences."

"But…there is also Matt."

"Yes?"

"I'm about 98 percent sure that he smokes."

"Smoking, why do you think this?"

"It may have well been a sucker stick hanging from his mouth, but yes, smoking."

"If you are in fact correct, I will investigate this a little bit for myself; just to be 100 percent sure of these assumptions."

"Thank you, L"

"No, thank you Near for coming to me with this information."

The doorknob turns and Mello and I immediately flee for our lives back to our room. After slamming the door behind him, Mel goes into a complete fit of rage.

"I can't believe that fucking little bitch!! God, I swear I gonna rip that fucking bastards guts out and fucking feed it back to him!!" Whenever he gets like this it's scary as hell because he actually would do it.

In a blurred anger, Mel dives under his bed and pulls out his gun. Fuck! "No, Mel!" I yell as I tackle him to the ground. I really don't want my best friend to become a murderer. When he hits the floor the gun slips from his grip.

Thrashing, screaming, kicking, and clawing is Mel, trying so desperately to get away from me so he can kill Near. This is terrifying; I've never seen him get like this.

Tiring from Mel's thrashing, he slips from my grip. He takes off in the direction of the door but, I grab his ankle. He trips forward and bangs his head on the corner of my bedside table, knocking him out cold.

I release Mel's ankle and stay in my laying position on the floor. I bury my face in my folded arms, thinking. God damn it, this is all my fault! How could I let Near find out about Mel's cutting!? Why didn't I take Mel's gun away when I had the chance!? How the hell could I let any of this happen? Why did any of this happen in the first place!? God must hate us.

After a few minutes of calming myself down (without a cigarette), I pick up Mel and lay him in his bed. I look at the small gash he got on his head from the fall. I'm glad it's not too serious. I take some of the spare bandages I had and a wet cloth and began to clean his wound the best I could.

I'm gonna have to keep a close eye on Mel for a while. I really don't want him cutting anymore. I still don't get the whole concept of cutting. How does hurting yourself help you cope with the world? I just wish I could take away all his pain. He doesn't deserve it. It should be me after what I did! He shouldn't be burdened with this, he really shouldn't.

I just stare at Mel's peaceful face, angelic face. Man, I'm so worn out. I should go to sleep. I get up, but before I walk over to my bed I lean over and place a light kiss on his perfect lips. How much I long to have more than just a kiss. With that thought, I climb into bed and begin to fall into my own hellish nightmare.

* * *

**Next Chapter: Matt's nightmare and a glimpse at his past and why he feels so god damned guilty.**

**In case you couldn't tell, I myself ****really ****hate Near, too. So yea, sorry Near fans for Mello's little 'fit'.**

**Just to warn my readers, Ch. 7 will be rated M! **

**I also wanted to say that I'm currently coming up with a new DN fanfiction called "A Dare You Say?" It's an AU story about Matt daring Mello to pretend to be a girl for their first year of high school. I think that sentence says it all. Hahaha! Please R&R!**


	7. Caught

**omg I'm so sorry everyone. My mom had taken away my internet and banned me from the computer for a while so I didn't even get the chance to start typing for a while. Then I got loaded with stuff to do at school and the story got put off. Sorry again!**

**This chapter starts off in Matt's dream just so you don't get confused.**

**Well readers this is the chapter things turn M for Wammy Days! I hope you enjoy the slightly M content in this chapter. Chapter 8 will be more M rated so…yea.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Misa-Misa: HI!!**

**Light: Um, Misa?**

**Misa: Yes, Light-kun!?**

**Light: Say what's in the script!**

**Misa: Oh! Yea, Misa-Misa should read the script!**

**Light: -sigh- Yea…**

**Misa: RabidMihealMailfangirl does not own Death Note! But Light-kun and Misa-Misa have one!**

**Light: Misa! What the fuck no!!**

**Please excuse us while Light freaks out. Enjoy!**

* * *

_He beat mommy and I all the time. But, I remember a time it wasn't like this a, a time when it was just me and mommy; no daddy. Why did it become like this? I don't know, I don't think I ever will. All I know is that it's my fault. He reminds me of this all the time. So does mommy, not with fists or harsh words, but with the looks she gives me. I know it shouldn't be like this but, it is and that's just a fact of life one must deal with._

_Bruise after bruise, broken bone after broken bone; I'm sick of it! Mommy should do something but, she doesn't. I wish this would end; just stop. But, I can't do anything; I'm weak, a burden on everyone._

_It was an early Saturday morning when I was looking for mommy. She wasn't at any of the places she usually was: the bathroom, reading; her bedroom, sleeping; the backyard, smoking; the kitchen, cooking; or basement, looking for something. What if daddy hurt her really bad? Oh no, I have to find her fast then. I look around in every room in the house and when I got to the second bathroom, I stopped and screamed. I cried and cried 'till I threw up. She hung there, just killed herself. How could she leave me with daddy!? How could I let her do that?!_

_When daddy had come and seen her, he called the ambulance. They took her body away and a group had come to clean up after the small mess that was left. Weeks had passed and no one at school, not even the teachers, noticed the increase of bruises and cuts inflicted on me by daddy or maybe they did notice and don't say anything. _

_About a month after mommy's suicide, I finally snap. I lay in bed the night I decide to take action, waiting for daddy to fall into deep sleep. Once I know he is, I creep into his room silently. I grab one of the lighters on daddy's dresser and flick it on and off a few times. Yes, this will work. I walk over to the bed silently, sit on my knees, and raise the corner of the bed covers a bit. I flick the lighter on and it catches flame. I flick the lighter on again and throw it on to the bed engulfing it more into flames. I run out of the room and grab the few things I thought to pack up previous to my actions. I run out of the house as it fills with more smoke._

_A little while later, a neighbor had called the fire department and they were at the scene in no time, attempting to put out the roaring flames. Then a random firefighter had approached me and said condescendingly, "Hey, little kid. Did your mommy or daddy come with you out of the house?"_

_I just stare blankly ahead of me, hoping it will make him go away._

"_Oh, I see." He then turned around and yelled back to the others, "You guys, the kids parents got trapped in the fire!"_

_Silent tears roll down my dirty cheeks. Bu the tears were for neither for daddy nor mommy. The tears were to see what kind of reaction I could get out of the firefighter. A little kid, not bawling his eyes out, but sitting calmly just crying calmly; if crying calmly is possible. I let tears roll down my face so the man would pity me and so that everyone would think of me as to unstable to be throw off to another relative and live off my life being played off as hot potato between relatives because they hate me. I think I'd rather be dumped in a crappy orphanage._

_Well, that wish pretty much came true. Not so long after the incident, I was put into an orphanage not to far from where I had lived. I was always at the top of my classes and sometimes even help my teachers teaching (yea, I know…weird). After only a month or two I was called into the office for something important. Apparently I was recognized as a genius and got accepted into a special orphanage that would help live up to my potential. The Wammy's orphanage? What an odd name…_

I sit up abruptly in a cold sweat and a bit confused. I look around the room in a sleepy daze and Mel's still knocked out. Just a second ago, I could swear he moved though.

I bring my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them, watching Mel silently. I watch his chest rise and fall, rise and fall. What is it about him? What makes me want to protect him with my life? I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't get too attached to anyone since I was orphaned. But why is Mel the exception?

I lie back down and pretend to sleep in order to truly see if Mel is faking being asleep. After about 10 minutes, I hear him stir. I sliver my eyes open the slightest to see him. Mel quietly rose from his bed and crept over to my bedside table where his gun was hidden. When Mel opened the small drawer, I, quick as a flash; grabbed his arms, pulled his arm behind his back (like a cop would do), and slammed him face down onto my bed.

"Get the fucking hell off me!!"

"I can't do that, Mel!" I say as calmly as I can, struggling to keep Mel in my grasp.

"Get off!! Stop, you're gonna dislocate my fucking arms you retard!!"

"Stop struggling, I not trying to hurt you!"

He calms down and says, "Fine, I'll stay calm just let me go."

"If you even look at the gun I _will_ dislocate your arms next time."

Trusting Mel, I let him go. He rolls onto his back and looks at me with a face full of cold, bitter anger and saying to me, "Fucking asshole." Oh god, this is gonna end up like last time. Why does Mello do this to me?

Mel continues to lay on my bed, feet dangling off the side. Without thinking, I drop myself over Mel, pinning down his arms and my legs on either side of him. I push my lips to his and slip my tongue from between my chapped lips into his hot mouth. Unlike last time, his tongue fights back for dominance. I give in and let him have him have his small victory. I just love Mel's taste; a mix of chocolate and hate. Don't ask how, he just does.

One of Mel's thin wrists slips from my grasp. He reaches up, takes a hold of my goggles, and with the flick of the wrist, has my goggles off my head and on the floor. He slips his cold hand up my shirt and feels my warm torso. He wraps his arm around my waist to pull me closer. This is just more than anything I could imagine; so new, so great.

To tease him I grid up against Mel making him moan. He slides his free hand up my back, making my shirt come up more. Now this was the kind of more I was talking about. Mel gets another arm free from me and used both arms to slide my stripped shirt off. After carelessly tossing it aside, Mel grabbed my shoulders and flipped me onto my back. He supported himself over me as he carefully examined my upper body. I could tell his gaze was drawn to a large scar drawn across my chest. I lied to him about how I got it though. I told him I got it from the man that supposedly killed my parents when in reality; I got it from my dad.

I push down the guilt of lying to him as I grab his black shirt and pull him down to me, our lips meeting again. I pull Mel's shirt up a bit and he does nothing in protest. When I'm slipping off the rest of his shirt I hear a door slam loudly down the hall. I just ignore it as I distract myself with the butterfly kisses Mel is sending me along my jaw, neck, and collar bone.

Mel grinds against me making me let out a small moan. But, I hear a sobbing yell, from Linda. Geez, an argument now? Hopefully they don't try to look for either Mello or me to help them because I don't think I locked the door. Shit! But, again, I try to ignore it and grip Mel's back, begging for more from him. To a bit of my surprise, he quite skillfully unlatched the button to my pants and then…stuck his hand down the front of my pants. God, is this a little too far? Oh well. I let out a loud gasp from the pleasure radiating from me.

But, right at that moment, everything just became absolute horror. There was the sound of a door, a yell, and panic. There was an argument down the hall and some of the kids must have found it necessary to have us help them work it out so, they sent Linda to get us for them because she's our age. Seeing us she yelled high and loud, which would cause other kids to gather and see us. But before any other kids had come; I pushed Mel away from me, buttoned my pants, gabbed my shirt off the floor, and threw Mel's shirt at him before anyone could see the scars on him. Mello just started yelling back at Linda in frustration and embarrassment. More kids come to ask what happened and everything is just going berserk.

The panic and anxiety continues to grow within me. I can't think clearly, I can't hear clearly, I can't see clearly. It soon just becomes too much and the voices fade, still yelling, and my vision fades to darkness.

I awake to white walls and white ceiling. Shit!! I sit up abruptly and look around. I'm in the hospital ward? God damn it! I begin to have a mini panic attack when the nurse came over to me.

"Matty, please just calm down." She said in a motherly tone.

"How the hell do you expect me to calm down after that!?" I yell, mind still fuzzy.

"There is no need to worry; it's been taken care of."

"What!!" I jump out from under the sterile covers and make a run for the door, when I bump into an old man—I mean, Watari, the founder to the Wammy's orphanage.

I look up at him wide-eyed, knowing he has been involved with this issue somewhat. I expect to be scolded or told he's disappointed or something, but I got nothing. I look down at my feet and mumble the only word I can force my lips to form, "Mel?"

Knowing that I mean, 'What happened to Mello? Is he ok?' he tells me, "He's speaking privately with L. Neither of you are in any trouble what so ever. Please try your best not to overstress yourself. You passed out from your overwhelming anxiety.

Again having trouble forming words, I just say, "Where?"

And again understanding that I mean, 'Where is Mello?' he tells me, "I do not know where they are myself. That is why I had come to check on you."

Fuck. How could I? Why couldn't I just keep to myself like I'd do with any other person?! Fuck, I'm so stupid!

My legs then suddenly gave out from under my weight. I fall to my knees and Watari took a step towards me with the intention of helping me, but I lash out at him.

"Get away from me!" I yell swatting away his helping hand. "Don't."

He just sighed and helped me back to my bed anyways. "Please just rest."

"But, Mel—"

"He's fine for the time being, now rest." I turn away from Watari and close my eyes. I lay there for a while, awake but eyes still closed. This sorta reminds me of Romeo and Juliet somehow. Like a forbidden love. Oh god, that sounded so corny.

I hear the door creak open and two voices start whispering to each other. I couldn't understand anything of what they were saying but the whispering ended soon after it began. Light footstep then approached my bed. I will them to just leave me alone, but no, they don't.

"Matt…" A voice said.

I reply with an annoyed, "What."

"I would like to speak with you."

I turn to face the figure. "We are talking right now, L"

"Matt."

"Fine, about what?"

"About Mello, about me, about yourself, anything you want." L said as he pulled up a chair and sat on it in his peculiar manner.

"First you. Why do you look like you don't sleep for days at a time?"

"The dreams."

I just look at him quizzically.

"My dreams or more like nightmares, about my own abandonment. You could almost say I'm a bit frightened to fall asleep."

I actually almost laughed; how sickening. L? Afraid? It's funny to even think he has actual emotions under that façade of apathy. "So it was really that horrible, huh?"

"Yes, quite so. Mostly due to the fact I may have been four or five when it happened."

"What happened to Near?" I suddenly changed the subject to Near because I didn't want to insult L by just asking a bunch of questions about himself I know he wouldn't answer; and because that little albino kid reminds me of L. In some twisted way he does. That emotionless screen of sadness. You could tell they had plenty to say or sometimes looked as if they could just break down crying. But no, they don't. They keep that face that rarely, if ever, sees emotion, and it almost doesn't seem human. They think emotions cloud thinking and restrict you from your full potential of thinking, that emotions are some non-needed aspect of a human that can sometimes even be pitied for having. And when they do show emotion purposefully, it's fake. I wish I had that power. It would save me so much heartache. But then again, people would hate me for it just as I hate L and Near for it.

"I can't tell you anything more than he's been here practically since birth. If want to know more, ask Near himself."

I just lay in my stark white bed, staring up at L who is in turn staring back at me with his own endless, black, owl eyes. I wonder how or why L turned out to be the severely disturbed super-genius he was. I wonder how corrupt he could be on the inside and how he got his odd addiction to sweets. And how Near got addicted to toys. And Mello with his chocolate. Linda, with drawing. Missy, with sour things. And even this older kid who has long since left the orphanage (B was it?), who liked jam. What a bunch of freaks we are.

L and I sat in silence. "L, what happened after I fainted?"

"Not much." He said simply and in a bored tone, lifting his thumb to his lips. "Linda is talking with Roger though. She was quite shocked."

"And Mel?"

"You obviously know of his issues, correct?"

"N—yes."

"He had gotten treatment to infected wounds, although he was resisting help. For the last two to three weeks I remain here I will be keeping a constant watch on him. Just so you know."

"Understood."

"Cameras will be set up in the bedroom and bathroom to monitor. They do not record at all, just monitor."

"Ok."

"Who is this cold person in front of me? This sure isn't the Matt I know. You have changed quite a bit. You've grown angry and…hostile."

"No, I haven't."

"Quite a bit. When you where younger, you would smile, laugh, cry, just be a child."

"Well, times change."

"Yes."

"How is the Kira case going? Any leads?"

He bit down on his thumb and responded, non-muffled, "It's not going as smoothly as I had hoped. This is one reason for taking a long break in the investigation, to help me think of a plan. As far as leads go, yes. As a matter of fact two. Light Yagami as the original Kira and Misa Amane as the second Kira."

"Yagami, that sounds familiar. And Misa? You mean the Japanese model?"

"Yes. Amane Misa."

"How sure are you that these two are Kira?"

"I am about 7 percent sure that Light may possibly be Kira; though I feel it should be more. I am guessing I have convinced myself he is Kira, though since I don't have the evidence I can't just make random assumptions. But yet, at the same time I want him to be innocent, to not be Kira, seeing he was my first and only true friend. Oh ambivalence, how I despise you."

"And what about Misa?"

"The fluctuations to the probability of her being the second Kira is far and few between and the chances are slimming."

"Oh."

L stood up and got off the chair. He walked to the door but right before he was about to open it, he said, "Just so you know Matt, I have confiscated all of your cigarettes and made sure there is no way for you to get any more. I will be keeping my eye on you as well."

How the hell did he find out? Oh, wait, now I remember. I had a pack of cigarettes in my pants pocket. God damn it.But looking at the situation, I'd say it was all worth it. Especially the part with Mel…

You know what? Forget the monitors! I don't really care if our relationship is out in the open anymore.

On second thought, nevermind…I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

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**Good god, this is such a late update!! I'm sorry yet again!**

**I haven't updated for a while since I've been so busy and I don't know when I can update again. Sorry readers. Oh! I thought I should tell you…**

**In chapter 8, there is more M&M action. Yay!**

**Also, I have more fanfic ideas. Just ask if you want to know more about them.**


	8. Visitor

**Ok, now here is the long awaited Chapter 8!**

**-Applause-**

**Ok, ok let's get on with this and read the story! Yay! Longest chapter yet!!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Near-bitch: …disgusting…**

**Me: What? You have somethin' to say, bitch?!**

**Near: -leaves-**

**Me: Damn straight! –Sigh- bored. Boredom just screws with my mind so bad! How 'bout you? Yea, thought so… Oh, oh yea, almost forgot. NO OWNAGE!!**

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I had been set free of the hospital ward and about a week of sleepless night had passed since then. I was lying silently on my bed at about 3 in the morning. I don't know why, I just haven't been able to fall asleep or concentrate on school work or anything for that matter.

I continue lying there thinking the same thing I have for the week of sleeplessness: How could I let this happen? I promised Mel I wouldn't let this happen. He'll never trust me again. What goes on in those therapy classes that Mel goes to? Ever since Roger forced him into it he's been acting strange. God damn it, it's entirely all my fault.

Trying to push my guilt-filled thoughts down, I look over to a peacefully sleeping Mello. He's so peaceful and angel-like when he's asleep. Completely opposite to when he's awake. When asleep he almost looks happy. But I've noticed lately that Mel has been sleeping on his side; he sleeps on his stomach so it's a tad odd. I'll ask about it when I get the chance.

I push off my heavy covers and swing my legs over the side of my bed. Good god, I need a cigarette. Instead of helping me, L's just making me worse off than I already am.

I stand up and walk over to Mel's bed. I drop onto my knees and lean over, kissing Mel ever-so-lightly. (Reminds me of sleeping beauty sort of…ugh, I'm getting so mushy lately and I hate it.)

Just as I begin to pull away, he grabs the back of my neck pulling me back into the kiss. It kinda startled me, considering I thought he was asleep. I wouldn't be surprised if he was just pretending, waiting for me to fall asleep.

I place my hand on the bed next to Mel's head for support, deepening the kiss, sliding my tongue artfully past his chapped lips and into his warm mouth. He returns the kiss, pulling me closer to him. I lift of my knees, still not breaking the contact between us, and place my legs at either side of him. I then place both hands on either side of him.

Mel kicks his bed covers off and flips me onto my back. Mel hovering over me, I said teasingly, "Now where were we?"

"Right about here." Mel whispers as he drifts down and grabs the waist band of my pants. He pulls the garment down along with my boxers. I let out a gasp from the sudden sensation of Mel's hot, slick mouth around me. Oh god...

I moan slow and lustfully, tilting my head back, and gripping the bed sheets. Mel continues slowly, taking me in fully. I-I just—what do I do?!

Mel continues, teasing me even more. God, I can't take it any more! I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and moan as I come. For a second I lay; panting, sweating, and my mind racing. I look down at Mel to see him gagging slightly and wiping a small trail of cum from his chin.

Mel, after recomposing himself, then jumped back over me, looking at me through half-lidded, lusty eyes. I grind up against Mel's lower half, begging for more. I wonder how Mel knows about this. Maybe he's just going on instinct. I wonder if he knows anything else to do. I feel a bit bad though, I don't have any clue what I'm doing and Mel must have a lot of built up sexual stress. I guess I should just do what Mel did to me.

I break from the kiss Mel planted on me while I was thinking. I grab Mel's pants and yank them down aggressively. Well, at least I don't have to worry about his boxers due to the fact that he's not wearing any. As I remove his pants, Mel slips my shirt off me. After the clothing was tossed aside, I immediately pulled Mel into a deep kiss. But, Mel pulled away and said, with his index finger over my lips, "Prepared?"

I just look at him, blank. Prepare for what?! Mel seems like he knows what he's doing, but I'm not sure I'm 'prepared' for whatever he's thinking of.

Getting a tad bothered by my blanking out, Mel said, "Matt?"

Even though I don't know what he had planned, I say, "Um, I-I don't know…"

He whispers his response in a husky voice into my ear, "Fine by me. Not gonna force ya."

Uh, force me? To do what!? I want to ask him but I don't want to feel even more like a retard.

Feeling Mel's weight shift off me, I grabbed around his waist and pulled him back down and into a kiss.

Mel pushed away though, saying, "I'm done for now." He then pushed himself completely off me and went too get his pants that had been discarded. It took me a second, but then I got up, nervously scrambling around for my clothes. Oh god, I need to leave for a little bit. This is overwhelmingly awkward and embarrassing.

I grabbed my gameboy off my nightstand and headed for the door. I reached for the door knob and pulled it open when Mel spoke, "You know, L might have seen that?" I flush an even deeper red then I was before and almost slam the door behind me in embarrassment.

Walking down the hallway, trying to look as calm and collected as I could, I pulled a cherry-flavored sucker from my pocket as I pound away at the buttons of my gameboy. God damn, I _need _a cigarette so fucking bad. I twirled the sucker around in my mouth absent-mindedly, which somehow reminded me of what Mello had done to me. Good god, what have I done? I've lost my innocence. And I hope to hell that L saw _nothing_. I continue down the hall and stairs, not paying attention to my surroundings. Then, my foot caught something and I fell flat on my face.

"Geez Near, you can't just play with your toys in the middle of the room!"

"Well, you should be watching where you walk instead of on that _thing_." He said, in his usual emotionless state, pointing on the ground to where my gameboy had gone when I tripped.

I walk over to it and carefully pick it up, checking if my gameboy was damaged.

"Matt, are you alright? You seem a bit skittish."

"Yea, I'm fine Near." I say a bit on edge. I promise he won't find out about anything this time.

I look over at the now crowded entrance. I wonder who it is. Who would cause such a ruckus besides L?

"Ok, I trust you." Near said, a little delayed. He then took a lock of his white hair between his fingers and twirled his hair around. Crap, this means he's analyzing my behavior and stuff. I should leave before he assumes things.

I cast him a dark look and say as I walk away, "I don't need your trust, you little brat." Damn, it's all his fault my cigarettes were taken away. Fuck you, Near!

I walk over to the crowd of people and push my way to the center to see who it was. In the center of the group was a young man with brown hair. I've never seen him around before. I wonder who he is. Could he be a former Wammy's resident? He looks very intelligent. "Hey, who is this guy?" I say to no one in particular.

"No clue," a girl, Linda, responds. "He just walked in with a really stupid looking blond girl. She said, 'Ok, Misa-Misa has to go now! Bye, Light-o kun!' in a Japanese accent, and left. This guy keeps on saying he's a friend of L's and he needs to find him. I doubt he even knows L."

"He could very well be a friend of L's. I mean, how else would he know L, let alone that he is here? He could be a part of the Kira investigation, helping L."

"Ok, true. So, who was the blond idiot then, Mr. Smarty-pants?"

"Well, she could be this guy's girlfriend or she could be family to him."

"Ok, I guess that makes sense."

"Of course it does."

"Hey uh, Matt, you ok? You don't seem quite normal. Are you sick?"

"Uh, no. Why does everyone think I'm not quite normal right now? First Near, and now you, Linda."

"Near? Well if he thought so, then something must be wrong."

"Just because he is first in line does _not_ make him right, you know!"

"Well, he's really smart and makes good assumptions that are usually correct. So I just thought that—"

"Just worship him why don't you?! For god's sake, Linda!"

"You don't have to be so mean!!" she yelled back as she stormed away, tears beginning to form in her eyes. She never did take bullying very well.

I just continued to stand in the crowd, staring around absent mindedly. I felt someone push me out of the way and I looked over to see L, walking hunched to where that guy is. So he must know L, seeing their informal greetings to each other.

L looked out to the group of curious, surrounding people and said in his usual, flat tone, "There is no need to crowd everyone. This man is a friend of mine and his name is Light Yagami." Ok, so this was that Light guy L told me about. "He doesn't speak English to its fullest but he can read and understand it almost perfectly. He is also extremely intelligent, so I would like you to treat him as you would treat me."

"Why?" called out some kid about 4 years my junior.

"I would like you to treat him with as much respect as me because his intelligence is about equal to my own." That pretty impressive if you ask me.

The same kid then called out, "Who was that blond lady?"

Light answered the question this time and I finally got to hear his voice. He had an accent but you could easily understand him. His response was: "My fiancé, Amane Misa."

"The model!" the kid piped up for hopefully the last time.

"Hai. I mean, yes." Light answered.

Just to a sort of a smart ass I say, "So you're famous, I take it?"

"No, I just help Ryuuzaki on the Kira case." He said whilst he plastered an almost painfully fake smile on. Something is fishy about this guy…

L interrupts by saying, ""Please, Light-kun, here you can call me L." Yea, I remember, L goes by quite a few aliases.

"Yes, Ryuu—L, sorry."

"Also, Matt, I will need to speak with you a bit later. I have spoken already to Mello. That is why I could not come to the door immediately to greet Light-kun." I flushed a deep red, lowering my head in a failed attempt to hide it. He must have talked to him about what happened; god I hope not.

Light saw my blush and said with not recognized ill intentions, "Who is this girl Mello?"

I shut my eyes tight behind my goggles and turned a shade of red darker. "Um, sorry but…Mello is a guy."

"Oh…" Light said turning his own embarrassed shade of pink.

"Matt, please meet me in my room as soon as you can. And Light-kun, please make your way to Roger's office. It is just beyond that door there. Some matters just need to be reviewed with you."

"Yes, L." We both say at the same time.

Light to his leave and disappeared behind Roger's door. L also walked away and I trailed after him. Fuck! I seriously don't want to have to deal with the possible lecture. God damn it!

L walked into his room and sat on a comfortable looking chair in his room. He motioned for me to sit at the small sofa that sat across from him. I sat down and immediately after, L spoke, "I would like you to know that I had seen nothing of what had gone on between you to earlier. I had turned off the monitors before seeing anything serious."

"Nothing that serious happened! I swear that—"

"That may be the case; I never accused you of anything so please, calm down. I really do have a respect for your privacy so I will leave you be as best as I can. Although, please spare the others. I do not want what happened to Linda to happen to anyone else, understood?"

"Understood." I drone.

"I do know you have actual feelings for each other and it is not mere experimentation. Do not be ashamed, it is understandable."

"How would you understand?" I say a little bit more defensively then I intended.

"I simply do."

"Maybe Mel was right." I whispered quietly to myself.

"Right about what, Matt?"

"Oh, um, nothing L!"

"Are you sure?"

"Umm…well, Mello said that he heard you were gay or something, I don't know."

"Yes, I remember Roger contacting me about that. I fact, I had told Roger not to bother me with anything concerning you two and your relationship. Yet, he still bothers me with his concerns."

"Really?"

"Yes, but he doesn't have the best view on homosexuality."

"So he hates Mel and I?"

"No, of course not. He doesn't hate you; he just does not really support it."

"Um, L? But is what Mel said true? Are you gay?"

"I would not lie to you. So, to tell you the truth, I myself am a bit confused on my orientation. I have never really thought about it before and it doesn't really seem to matter that much to me."

"Really?"

"Yes. Well, it was nice talking with you Matthew; But, I must help settle Light-kun settle in here for his stay."

"Sorry, but speaking of Light, I don't trust him."

"Why is that?"

"I don't really know. There is just this aura to him that doesn't feel right."

"I used to feel that way as well. Actually, I still feel that way. And because I was so unsure, I had him cuffed to me so he couldn't leave my sight."

"What do you mean?"

"I had us handcuffed together so he couldn't leave my sight. Though, I did trust him to be able to bathe and us the restroom by himself so I unlocked the chain at those times."

"And Misa? Wasn't she upset that she got no time alone with him."

"It wouldn't matter because she was and still is the suspect for being the second Kira."

"Ohhh, I see. But what did she do when she found out you two were to be chained?"

"If I recall, I think see said things along the line of insisting I was homosexual, was a pervert, and had odd fetishes."

"Wow, she musta been pissed!"

"For lack of a better term, yes. But then she got over her dilemma and went out on dates with Light-kun even though we were still cuffed."

"Um, please don't let it slip that Light thought Mello was a girl. If he found out, there'd be a lot of issues."

"I will be sure it stays between us. I must be going to help Light-kun now. I will hope to see you later." L stood from his chair and his hunched form made its way to the door. I followed him out and he lightly closed the door behind us. He took a left down the hall as I made a right. But, I ran strait into Mello, who looked like he was hurried.

"What's up Mel?" I say with a slight blush creeping up on my face.

"Shhh, I'm following L."

"To spy on him?"

"Yea, wanna come?"

"Uh, sure." I say as we both took off to follow L to Light's room.

Light was to spend his time here in the spare rooms that were left. We saw L helping Light lug all his bags to his room. Even though L looks weak and fragile, he's not. He's stronger then Light, that's for sure. They got inside his room and unpacked his things. Light did most of the unpacking while L sat on Light's quite large bed. So far, boring. They talked a bit about the Kira case and way Light was phrasing his words made him sound like he was a devout Kira follower. This defiantly raises my suspicions about him. They also chatted about Misa a little and Light tried to ask about L's childhood. Che, good luck with that Light-bulb he doesn't even trust the other residents of Wammy's enough to slip _anything_ about his past traumas.

"Matt, this is boring." Mello whined in a hushed voice.

"Stay quiet, if we hold out long enough, we will figure out something." I whisper to Mel, checking under the crevice under the door.

"Ugh, fine." He sighed.

"Oh wait, check this out Mel."

Mel checked under the door too. "Hah, See! I told you so!" he whispered harshly.

The scene in which we were witnessing was both of them sitting on Light's bed (because they had finished packing and they were just chatting) and L looked like he was leaning toward Light. In fact, he was: kissing him! A heavy moment passed but then Light guiltily pushed away from him, then saying, "Ryuuza—L you know I have a girlfriend."

"I apologize. Though, you did not push away at first and have said countless times how much you dislike Misa. If you feel so bothered by her presence, then why is Light-kun still together with Miss Misa?"

"Yes L, I know. But you have said before that she may be the second Kira and that she could be useful for the investigation. Plus, she is glued to me by how much she thinks she loves me."

"Ah, I see. Well, I will be seeing you around, Light-kun. I have some work I need to finish."

"Um? Whatever you say, L." He said, looking at the ground a bit uncomfortably.

The second we heard L's approaching footsteps, we hightailed it out of there and once we were back into our room, Mel spoke, still a bit out of breath from all the running, "Cool, huh?"

"What do you mean?" I asked as I sat down on one of out beds.

"L. Just goes to show how much more like L I am than little Near-shit."

"Is that all you fucking think about; surpassing Near and _becoming_ L? You know, just because he's L doesn't make him perfect. There are still serious flaws in his character."

"Shut the hell up, like you'd know!" Mel snapped as he rummaged through is drawer for supposedly a chocolate bar. But instead, he pulled out a small bottle of chocolate syrup.

"I thought you said you hated the stuff." I stated pointing towards the bottle.

"Well, I lied," he said sharply, stating it as if it were obvious, "I had never even considered the idea before you brought up the idea."

"Not saying you have, but, if you lied about something so small that would ultimately lead me to believe you have lied about even bigger things. You are known for your chronic behavior, so why would it stop at just one?"

Mel just rolled his eyes, obviously pissed off. He reached back into his drawer and pulled out a new, sharp razor. I watched it with slightly wide eyes, curious and a bit fearful of what he might do. He simply tossed the razor over to me. It landed right next to me on the bed. "Mel?"

"You happy now?" he said as he glared at me. "How 'bout you, any lies you'd like to share with the class?" he remarked sarcastically.

"What if the story I told you about what happened to me was a lie?"

"You fuckin' lied about that?"

"Well, you've never shared anything about your past so why should I have?"

"That because I didn't remember, asshole. You remember, obviously, so please do tell the truth to your lie."

"Fine. When I was little my dear dad beat my poor mom and myself. She finally hung herself, realizing she couldn't live with the pain or guilt anymore. So, now it was just dear daddy and I. I finally got fed up with it as well, but instead of ending myself, which I didn't know how to do, I simply ended my father's life. I burned it down, and no one ever found out I was the arsonist." I said trying to be sarcastic and overdramatic. I then sighed and looked at the ground, unwilling to look Mel in the eyes. "So, happy now? How's it feel to have murderer as a best friend?" I said more seriously.

"Doesn't matter." He muttered quietly as he walked over to and sat down on his bed.

"And you, Mel? Care to share a bit o' your past as well."

"All I can tell you is what I vaguely remember from the dream. It's possible that it wasn't even what happened."

"That doesn't matter; there is still a chance that it did happen."

Mel buried his face in his hands and looked carefully up at me. He lowered his hands then started, "I guess my parents and I had been kidnapped. We must have been in…I don't want to say dungeon because that's not what it was—but it was something like that. Well, we must have been just chained up in the room for at least 2 to 3 days. Then, a woman, Rose I think, had unchained me and dragged me into a different room." Mello paused for a little bit, trying to remember and trying to recompose himself so he would have a steady control over the words he said. "She said it was for my own good being separated from my parents…she said they were going to be murdered and she didn't want me to be tainted with the bloodshed as she had been. She left, and then came back into the room. The strange thing was…she opened another door, which was to the outside. She said she wanted me to leave, to be free, and to run away. So, I did and that's when you woke me up."

"…Mel…"

"You know what forget I said anything." He said out of the blue, staring at the ceiling.

"No. Like you said, it's possible it didn't even happen. Plus, it really seemed like it freaked you out the night you had that nightmare."

"And like you said, Matt, there is still a chance it actually did happen!" Mel by this point looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"Mel, stop being such a pussy. Sorry, just come on; it's not that bad, seriously. Take a few deep breaths and calm down. If there is more to the dream, just say so cause then it might explain this behavior."

"Just shut the fuck up, Matt!!" Mello shouted in a hot rage. God, it hurts me so much to know how much Mello himself is hurting. I just want to help him; why can't he see that?

I swiftly take the razor and jump off the bed, stepping towards Mel, saying in a concerned, forced anger, "You know what, Mel?! First off, I truthfully want to know, what the _fuck_ do you get from cutting yourself!! It just doesn't click in my head! Why would you want to harm yourself, to add more pain to all the shit you have already!? Plus, I thought L was on surveillance and—"

"Well, I've been doing it anyway and apparently he doesn't give a shit because he's done nothing about it!"

"Just fucking quit it!" I yell, now begging, dropping the razor and latching onto Mel's shirt. "I'm begging you Mel, just stop!"

"No." he said simply, pulling the Near look. He forcibly concealed all emotion it his voice, voided his face of all emotion, and canceled the wrath his eyes. "It's the only thing I have control over in my life anymore. You can't _tell_ me what to do, Matt."

God fucking damn do I hate it when he becomes this freakin' apathetic! I punch him _hard_ across the jaw and let go of his shirt. "So fucking, god damn stubborn." I whisper harshly. I walk over to my bed and collapse onto it, hiding my face in my arms while Mello stood, shocked. He panted, "Fuck you!" as he rushed out of the room.

I continue to lie on my bed, face still buried in arms, for a while; the soft hum of my gaming computer beginning to lull me asleep. I hate how it's like this; loving one minute hating the next. It's just now that I'm realizing how thin the line really is between love and hate, lust and loath. God, do I hate it.

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**I am so fuckin sorry for the EXTREME lack of updating! I don't know how, but this story has been just put at the last of my priorities lately.**

**I'm sorry but this story is being put on hiatus as well as 'Fight Between Blondes' because I must gather my thoughts and write more chapters before I post. So, don't expect a post for a LONG time. I don't know how long though, sorry!**

**Please R&R!!**


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